Unequal alchemical marriage

Good afternoon

I'd like to begin my talk today with the idea of ​​an alchemical marriage, as we understand it within a single psyche—that is, a union between the conscious and the unconscious. And I'm not talking about a one-time union, but something more lasting and reliable, "in sorrow and in joy" and "died on the same day." I want to emphasize that in my talk, I aim to discuss the relationship between the ego and the unconscious, and in no way refer to relationships with real partners.

Let's take a closer look at the idea of ​​an alchemical marriage. Who, exactly, enters into the marriage? The ego, on the conscious side, and the anima or animus, on the unconscious side. What do I mean by the term ego? The central complex of consciousness, usually of the same gender as the physical body, responsible for the subject's memory, perception, motor control, reality testing, fantasy, and speech. The practice of active imagination requires the ego complex to be able to weaken its organizing and controlling functions in order to encounter unconscious contents; it also requires a relative preservation of the organizing ego function, which establishes relationships and interconnections between psychic contents. The paradoxical nature of the demands on the ego is that it must weaken but retain its organizing function. And a strong ego can do this. If I understand correctly, when practicing active imagination according to Jung, it is precisely this ability to weaken while maintaining control that is the basis of the analytic position. It is the ego that is able to control impulses and emotions coming from the unconscious, protecting against excessive anxiety and breakthroughs of affect.

The anima and animus represent the archetypal potential for connection with the unconscious, in the case of the anima through feelings and inspiration, and in the case of the animus through thought and understanding. It is believed that the archetype develops and goes through a series of stages, but another perspective holds that the archetype itself is holistic; rather, the ego, as it develops, discovers ever new areas of the archetype through projections and images.

In the simplest periodization of life, we know four stages: childhood, adolescence, maturity, and old age. What are the characteristics of the ego during these periods?

	Childhood	Youth	Maturity	Old age
Ego	unconsciousness of actions and faith in nature, need for certainty, avoidance of doubt, weak ego, no continuous memory, dependence on parents, “as if he had not yet been mentally born”	Psychic birth, puberty, explosion of sexual activity, hope, optimism, heroism, avoidance of doubt. "Maiden" memory	Paying attention to oneself is a duty and a necessity; men must acknowledge their feminine side, women must acknowledge their masculine side; acceptance of doubts; clear retention of tasks; productive memory.	Wisdom, acceptance of death, a deeper immersion into the unconscious, renewed dependence on others, a conscious connection with nature. A lifetime of memory, the need to write memoirs as a way of summing up one's life and repaying one's debt to one's family.
Anima	Eve, nature itself, the Mother; holding, nourishing, all-powerful.	Elena – beauty, romance, chivalry, Beautiful Lady; eros, love.	Maria – partnership, union, spiritual closeness, love, creativity.	Sophia – divine love, wisdom, acceptance of death
	Absorption, destruction. Suicide as a homecoming.	An enchantment that promises a happy life in a world of illusions. Suicide as a protest.	Pseudo-partnership – use, fascination with labor	Fascination with death, fear, helplessness, and resignation. An unwillingness to remember – Alzheimer's disease?
The image of the anima as a couple	girl	young woman	woman	elderly woman
Animus	Merged with the Great Father, a guide to the social world – life by the rules, familiarity with boundaries.	Lover, passion, romance.	Partner, union, spiritual closeness, love, creativity.	The wise elder is divine love, acceptance of death.
	A predator, a monster, a sorcerer who holds captive. Suppression of will.	Pimp - violence, use of the body	Pseudo-partnership – use, fascination with labor	Fascination with death, fear, powerlessness and submission.
The image of the animus as a couple	boy	young man	man	an elderly man

Some general reflections on the aspects of A/A accessible to the ego at different ages can be seen in the table. In the second half of life, when a person is consolidating their androgyny, the A/A functions, it seems to me, gradually merge and become very similar. Thus, we see at least 12 opening doors of the anima and the same number of animus doors that the ego can access. And it does so at different periods of life, gradually discovering new A/A spaces based on its experience, age, and the challenges it faces.

My idea is that in moments of strong emotional upheaval, the ego can marry an unequal image of the inner partner.

“You are free,” Dubrovsky continued, turning to the pale princess.

“No,” she answered. “It’s too late—I’m married, I’m the wife of Prince Vereisky.”

“What are you saying?” Dubrovsky cried out in despair. “No, you are not his wife, you were forced, you could never agree…”

"I agreed, I swore an oath," she objected firmly. "My husband, the prince, order him released and leave me with him. I did not deceive you. I waited for you until the last minute... But now, I tell you, it is too late. Let us go."

It's Masha's "I agreed, I made a vow" line that interests me most. My working hypothesis is that the ego makes a choice, mostly unconscious, but nonetheless. And this choice is doomed to be faithful. And the ego will fiercely defend this choice.

The symbolic activity of the unconscious continues around the clock, and there are no divisions or limitations in this process. Just because we're not sleeping right now doesn't mean some part of our soul isn't dreaming. All divisions into ages and periods are highly arbitrary and, in a sense, a play of consciousness. Symbolic thinking is the ability of consciousness to allow a tiny part of the unconscious's symbolic work to emerge, to recede, and, relying on the response of the transcendent function, to give this part a meaning consistent with current experience.

But what if this system experiences a serious shock? During an earthquake, the layers of the soil shift; during a strong emotional shock, all the doors of the A/A system open, and the ego can enter any of them. Remember the movie image of a labyrinth with many doors? By gradually solving problems, we open the doors of our life's labyrinth. But when the ego panics, in a situation of stress or trauma, while the ground is shaking and all the doors are open, it's very easy to make a mistake. For example, anorexia—the ego of a young girl—marries the animus, the guide to death. She desperately wants to "be beautiful," to fit in, and in life, she becomes a ghost.

I'd like to add another option to our thoughts: a marriage with A/A Rod. As an illustration, I'll turn to a cartoon that many of you have likely seen – "Brave." The plot, in a nutshell: the queen wants to marry off her daughter, basing it on political interests, trying to avoid wars between clans. The daughter doesn't want to marry and desperately resists. The mother tells the same legend over and over again about an ancient prince who wished for the strength of ten and destroyed the kingdom. Finally, the princess turns to a witch for help, who initially refuses to help, claiming "there were many complaints from customers," but eventually agrees. The princess asks to change her mother. And the queen, taking a bite of cake, turns into a bear. She has only two days to lift the spell, after which the mother's soul will leave her and she will forever remain a bear. As the story unfolds, they discover the ruins of an ancient, ruined castle. The princess falls inside and realizes that this was once a throne room. She also realizes that the Mardu bear her father has been hunting all his life is the very prince who wished for the strength of ten from the witch. One of the most dramatic shots in the cartoon for me is the desperate, highly risky leap from the Mardu bear to the mother bear. It's as if a part of the ego, ready for development, in a desperate leap, risking being forever absorbed by the Animus of the Clan, breaks free from it into the embrace of consciousness. But the final battle takes place between the two bears, surrounded by an ancient circle of sacred stones. As a result, the soul of the prince—the bear's ancestor—goes its own way, and the queen, having lost her bear form, goes hers. And she no longer insists on the wedding; the magic has passed; there is no longer any need to tell the ancient legend, and they fear inter-clan wars.

In our world today, depression, a territory we always enter during our psychoanalytic journey, serves as an initiatory force. In my experience, I've encountered the crossroads of grief several times, often associated with oncology. By the crossroads of grief, I mean that during regression, the ego returns to the point of the "opening doors" of A/A and can make a different choice. It's as if it finds itself in front of a stone from fairy tales with the inscription: "If you go left, you'll lose your horse; if you go right, you'll lose your life; if you go straight, you'll live, but you'll forget yourself." What kind of inscription is that? In the context of my talk, it seems to me that going left means renouncing instincts and becoming stuck in the past; going right means rushing forward and perishing; going straight means renouncing your previous identity, severing the relationship with the image of your inner partner to whom you "made a vow." The crossroads of grief is the crossroads of Hecate comforting the despairing Kore, the deepest place of depression.

As an example, I'd like to share a dream about a young man who was born with a heart defect. His parents divorced when he was six, and he lived with his grandparents. At eight, he had heart surgery, and a little later, his grandfather died. He felt an enormous sense of guilt: "Grandfather died instead of me." He idealizes his mother, and can't even talk about her. His grandmother is more real—he can be angry with her, but he can also love her openly. His anima appears in two forms: as an evil aunt who holds the young princess captive. He suffers from obsessive-compulsive disorder.

Last fall, at the age of 89, his grandmother died very quickly of cancer, followed a month later by her twin sister. He buries first one, then the other. He cries a lot and grieves. While grieving, he maintains a sense of waking life—renovating, registering his grandmother's apartment in his name, and working. But he is haunted by a series of dreams in which his grandmother comes to him and promises a quick reunion. He fears these dreams, driving away thoughts of his impending death.

Just a month ago, he was going to the bathroom, and a piece of it fell out, causing severe bleeding. He picked up the piece and went to the hospital. They stopped the bleeding, examined it, and found it healthy. The fragment was sent for histology. The conclusion: a polyp with severe dysplasia, with the potential for cancer.

A few days later, he has a dream: "I know that a relative of my grandmother's best friend has died, perhaps her mother. The grandmothers are taking me to the cemetery to her grave. A formal alley, they lead me to an elegant monument—a large black granite or marble grave, like in parks or squares. The flowerbed below is surrounded by black granite stones—I know there are other people lying around the edges, and in the middle is a fresh mound of earth where this relative is buried. They show me the monument. The alley is green, the weather is like now—late spring or summer."

I asked him to draw on a piece of paper how the dream images are arranged in the dreamscape. He sketched out a diagram and, looking at it, said, "But the grave is my polyp!"

It seems to me that it was fear that “switched off his head” and he was able to express in one phrase – essentially an interpretation of the dream – his great desire to dissolve this marriage, which had become mortally dangerous.

Time has passed, and now (in January 2023), we can say that the grave is indeed a polyp that has left the body. And that the client made the choice "if you go straight ahead, you'll forget yourself"—that is, he dissolved his marriage to the image of the dead elderly woman and chose a new identity.

These are my thoughts, which require further work and observation. Thank you very much for your attention!